Two Birds
by Fan Fan Girl
Summary: 50 sentences. Bad boys: her only weakness—and he just happened to be the rudest, snidest, most insensitive man she had ever had the pleasure of laying her eyes on. Decidedly one-sided Catranne/Kalas.


Two Birds

**01 – Comfort**

He had not been himself; he was dark-eyed and snarling and terrifying and - and she had to do _something_, but... her duty was to the Ice Queen, not this stranger.

**02 – Kiss**

She had never seen them kiss, but the way he sometimes chewed his lip, rubbed the ridge of his jaw, told her more than enough.

**03 – Soft**

Nothing about her had left much of an impression on him, other than that ridiculous bird suit she wore, and maybe that snarky attitude she sometimes gave him.

**04 – Pain**

She wondered which stung the most: that she would always be a witch, that she would never betray her queen... or that a guy like him wouldn't give her the time of day _anyways_.

**05 – Potatoes**

Potatoes, the grocer said, letting the bulging bag drop to the ground as she and her sisters stood by, were grown primarily in Sadal Suud—Sadal Suud, nation of pastures and farmsteads and dark, ageless woods illumined by moonlight—

**06 – Rain**

She had collapsed to the ground, weeping, her heart clenching and clenching again; suddenly none of the petty jealousies mattered anymore, because now rain clouds rolled and sighed above, and she understood (for once, at the end) what it was to be the last Ice Queen of Wazn.

**07 – Chocolate**

It caught him off guard to see her sneak a handful of chocolate into her mouth during the meeting, because for a minute she looked almost... cute.

**08 – Happiness**

Another day of fretting in that deep blue, candlelit hall, another day with these useless rulers who merely gave orders but never acted—but today a flower-scented breeze rides through, today they are back, _they are safe_.

**09 – Telephone**

Their muted voices echoed through the empty corridors of Kaffaljidhma, low and intimate, punctuated by soft laughter now and again; but it was late enough already and she needed her rest, so she made up her mind to stop listening and just (go deaf) go to sleep, already.

**10 – Ears**

Tucking her hair behind her ear, she glanced up at him from beneath her lashes, parting her lips a little and blushing—oops, had she "accidentally" tripped in front of him again?

**11 – Name**

It was rare for him to even notice the witches, so the first time he said her name she wanted to tackle him right to the ground... but only because he used it to refer to _Glamyss_.

**12 – Sensual**

She wiggled out of her costume, letting the warm layers sink down around her ankles, stepping out of the crumpled suit on the floor into the steamy shower water.

**13 – Death**

It was not death exactly, but lack of life that she had sensed in him the first time they met, and forgetting her duty to "guide" Queen Xelha she began to speak to this strange, empty young man, all the while trying to figure out how a person so _animated_ could not technically be _alive_.

**14 – Sex**

He couldn't say that he thought about it all that much.

**15 – Touch**

More than anything it was discouraging to watch them embrace, hold hands, briefly touch shoulders as they walked together down the hall, knowing that she would never feel such intimacy.

**16 – Weakness**

Bad boys: her only weakness—and he just happened to be the rudest, snidest, most insensitive man she had ever had the pleasure of laying her eyes on.

**17 – Tears**

It wasn't anything worth crying about, she told herself, so she didn't (except that one time when she tripped down the stairs right in front of him!).

**18 – Speed**

In theory, he was much stronger than her, but if she put her mind to it her magic could more than hold him down...

**19 – Wind**

She noticed, after watching him practice in the castle courtyard, that his strongest attacks were wind-based; she also noticed, in her distraction, how uselessly the wind pushed his clothes against his muscles...

**20 – Freedom**

If Queen Xelha really was the last of the Ice Queens, what would that make _her_ – the last in a long line of magic-wielding servants?

**21 – Life**

There were rumors of his past, whispers of a dead family and missing parents, and she wondered how he managed to escape, survive, _live_, despite the glaring blank space (_how_ _it must ache_) where his soul should have been.

**22 – Jealousy**

At least she had spunk… so what did it matter that Queen Xelha had been the one to earn his unconditional love or whatever?

**23 – Hands**

The thought of trying to hold hands with him just amused her.

**24 – Taste**

And the thought of what bird food must taste like amused him.

**25 – Devotion**

Devotion to him drew her near, but devotion to the Ice Queen kept her at a safe distance.

**26 – Forever**

He had vowed to care for Xelha forever, and he meant it; he wasn't about to lose another loved one so soon.

**27 – Blood**

She was caught staring, then blushing at him; an eyebrow rose; she sputtered, goodness, that wasn't a _blush_, just a feminine coloring of the face from, um, excessively heightened blood pressure!

**28 – Sickness**

In her darker moments, she believed that her feelings for him were nothing more than symptoms of a coming illness, something to fight and conquer so that she couldn't hurt herself later on.

**29 – Melody**

Passing him in the halls, she liked to hum a little melody, skip a little—let him think she was the simple-minded, happy-go-lucky one for once.

**30 – Star**

And the stars were obscured by the clouds, and the rain was released from the skies, and all was coming together for the return of the Ocean—but Xelha was gone,_ she was gone__...!_

**31 – Home**

Funny how fast he'd come to consider this place, with all its weird inhabitants (yes, even the bird girl), home.

**32 – Confusion**

"Sure, I don't mind talking to thickheaded ogres in my spare time!"

**33 – Fear**

That Queen Xelha would find out, that Barnette would find out, that _he_ would find out.

**34 - Lightning/Thunder**

The sky had looked cramped, almost, black and ribbed and crisscrossed with searchlights, and the White Dragon so massive, she was sure they would be spotted, but here came Queen Xelha at last, sprinting, out of breath, they spoke quickly, _hurry, we must hurry_, and clambered onto the dragon, they were in the air, this was it!—then a flash, a demon, glittering wings, he had seen them, we have failed, he has seen us... but he isn't following... he is... staying... _and why_... thank the skies, but _we must hurry_.

**35 – Bonds**

It seemed like the whole of Cursa had turned out to see the return of Queen Xelha and her blue-haired friend, who were speaking in low voices as they parted the crowd; when the couple made it to the steps of the castle, Catranne and her sisters, like the crowds, stood off to the side, ready to bow silently as they walked by, all but invisible.

**36 – Market**

She would rather be practicing magic than running these petty errands for Barnette!

**37 – Technology**

Looking at his winglet's deadly metal edges always had her shivering with fear, but never as much as the idea of the scooping red scar that must crease his shoulder.

**38 – Gift**

She was surprised one day to receive a handful of chocolate from him.

**39 – Smile**

From then on, she didn't feel guilty greeting him with a friendly smile, a teasing remark... if that's all she let herself do.

**40 – Innocence**

Sure, he liked her well enough, if only because it was funny to watch her act like a know-it-all when really she was just as innocent as her queen.

**41 – Completion**

He was so lucky to have Xelha, someone who had trusted and loved him from the beginning, someone who didn't scorn him for being (incomplete) _exquisitely human_.

**42 – Clouds**

Balancoire's clouds were, in a word, _amazing_, and waiting for Queen Xelha and her motley group definitely became less boring with the chance to escape Reverence and frolic in them—in costume, of course, as no normal person would find an "old woman" from out of town jumping and laughing in the clouds suspicious... right?

**43 – Sky**

The islands settled densely on the ground, and the magic that had given them wings for a thousand years seeped away into the sky, and for the first time, his back broad and smooth, he felt he was really one of them.

**44 – Heaven**

Heaven was watching the growing dot in the sky glide, white on lavender, and flap now and then peacefully, as behind it the last of the dark specks were sucked into an invisible point in the sky; the sky was turning blue again, it was over.

**45 – Hell**

Hell was the look on Queen Xelha's face that night—the knowledge that to save the Angel of Darkness was to throw her life, and the Ocean, away... but to save herself was to abandon him to Malpercio's curse.

**46 – Sun**

Why was she so creepily pale, he wondered, staring in bewilderment from the snow-white Ice Queen to her three bronzed witches, when they weren't?

**47 – Moon**

It haunted her dreams for a long time, that round silver disc in the sky; she turned in her bed; it seemed to flicker behind a sprinkle of rain, then glide away, silent, as the full force of the Ocean overcame the night sky.

**48 – Waves**

She eyed the waves pulling in and pushing out across the hardened beach, pouting a little; here, the sea was too cold to dip into at will, and in a brief moment of wistfulness she longed for the colored, sparkling sands of Mira.

**49 – Hair**

She studied the thin fibers of her feathers and decided, very contentedly, that she liked herself much better with _these_ wings.

**50 – Supernova**

Life went on in the castle, and she continued to tease him, and he continued to mostly ignore her, and nothing ever fell in place to trigger their whirlwind romance.

* * *

A/N: Ever since Catranne said that line about "simple-minded, happy-go-lucky" guys like Kalas being a "major turn-off to girls," I have secretly shipped this pairing. (Although I think she got him dead wrong. My Kalas, happy-go-lucky? Nevar!1!) Probably I just like the idea of Catranne having this secret crush on him, but for obvious reasons being unable to do anything about it except flirt every now and then.

So, besides all the blatant semi-colon and italics abuse, what did you think? I messed around with a bunch of different styles and I'm not sure what to think of half of them. And yes, I realize this is not real fic. My deepest and most heartfelt ambition is to someday have enough inspiration to write a respectable one-shot for these two, since they have such a wonderful dynamic. I'm sure I could scrounge something up if I really tried, but alas... inspiration forsakes me. In any case, thanks for taking the time to read!


End file.
